Wednesday, June 12, 2013

101: Learning Unity and Books on Design


In my search to learn more about Unity, 3D modeling, and Scripting languages, I am compiling a list of helpful resources for anyone curious on dipping their toes into similar water. I found it very annoying to find anything for people less on the technical side. Enjoy!

Starting off: Make a Clock

If you're going to learn, start simple. Learn the basics of Unity. Do not expect to learn how to code or script.

Starting off: Make a Runner

See your scripting in action with this. Should further develop your understanding of the tool. You may be making a game, but don't expect to be able to MAKE one. Follow this the whole way through.

Interested in C# for Beginners? Check out this video series!

An important thing to always remember: You're not going to learn to code in a day, or a week, or a month. It'll take patience and practice. BUT when you DO become more tempered with it, you will be creating something from nothing. Stay motivated! 

Unity 3d: Simple First-Person Shooter Tutorial by Quill

This tutorial series, although a little fast due to it being a recorded live stream, is intensely helpful when first starting off. Jump into this after making your CLOCK and RUNNER.


More resources to come. Suggested design books below:


-bitFox

Monday, April 11, 2011

Brenda Brathwaite: A salute and a question

This video created both excitement and a few questions for me; Since I'm at work, I'll try and keep this short.

  1. The enthusiasm ramps you up
  2. The points are actually on point
  3. I wonder what's really being said.

While Brathwaite differentiates the Designs from these Neo-Designers in part of her speech, but also seems to be inclusive of the new nature of Social Gaming.

Shake Ups are Necessary

When something new emerges you either assimilate or find it useless. The fact is Social gaming has found serious traction in these last few years, and rightfully so. No one else is doing it as well as they are.

Metrics and Traditional design are not enemies. Rather, I see a changing industry, where neither rules yet both are important. How can you simply oust Zynga for doing what is a great job? Their methods, while not agreeable to some, show results.

What do I think that means:
it means Game Designers, as they are now, need to begin thinking more methodically from time to time. As Free2Play gains traction with a larger audience and begins to dominate the Facebook Platform, it must seriously be considered.

I don't agree with Churn and Burn. What I do agree with is that this platform had to start somewhere. It didn't just start, it stole a fucking rocket from the Russians, took it to the moon, built a death laser, and started shooting planets and asteroids because they fucking could.

Silliness aside, it set the ground work for what is now an ACTUAL platform. The same can be said for Indies on the SmartPhone movement. We are growing, our roots expanding. Let it grow! In whatever way we can, it will grow and as it does those of us who wish to refine those processes WILL and WILL make great games for everyone on these platforms!



Let us take each other's hands, and learn.

Thursday, March 31, 2011

My 3DS' identity crisis

So I managed to get a 3DS, at long last. It is awesome... but it is not without its flaws and a crippling identity crisis. Many video game blogs and news sites are drooling so much over this thing, I'm afraid they might dry out... so instead of doing that, I'm going to give you the real deal on Nintendo's newest handheld. Please make a quick mental note of the underlined sections, and just read ahead, as I will be explaining their meaning later in the post.


First I'm going to start by giving my full impressions on the hardware and the software itself. Put your reading glasses on, folks: It's a long one... but if it's legit, solid, and detailed information along with an honest and thought-provoking conclusion you want, then you're in the right place.


The hardware itself: The pros and cons
After all is said and done, and for what it's worth, this thing really is pretty freakin' awesome. The 3D effect is just as impressive as people say... it will really blow you away when you first lay eyes on it. Does it "get old"? I think it's too early to tell for sure, but I'm already feeling like this is the way games are supposed to be seen, and now that I've put a few hours into playing 3D games on it, I'm not so much "wowed" by the 3D effect as I am "happy that 3D graphics are actually in 3D finally". It does cause some eye strain for me, and adjusting back to real life is weird and... well, it's kinda hard to describe, but I get this same feeling after watching a 3D movie in the theaters. When playing a game on it in 3D, a 30-minute play session is about all I can take, and that is what is recommended by Nintendo. Inclusion of the ability to adjust and even disable the 3D effect was a wise decision, and I find myself playing with the intensity of the 3D effect situationally very often. It's also important to note that anything more than "very slight" movement will cause you to "snap out" of the 3D effect, and I even find this happening whilst sitting still and playing Street Fighter, just from the excited movement of my hands.


The size of the 3D screen on top is pretty nice. I feel like it could've been bigger, and the choice to forgo the normal 16:9 widescreen ratio in favor of 15:9 is puzzling. I wonder what limited its size, though? Was it production constraints? Maybe they wanted it to be uniform height with the bottom screen. For that matter, why are the two screens different sizes at all? That really doesn't make much sense as you're looking at it and playing with it, I must say. Speaking of the bottom screen, it is actually slightly smaller than the DSi's touchscreen, which is also a strange decision and a little disappointing. Overall, the screens are bright and brilliant, and do their respective jobs, but the decisions Nintendo made with this aspect of the hardware are bizarre, to say the least.


The analog slider feels great. This isn't your grandpa's PSP nub, this thing feels really nice under your thumb. Unfortunately, I've yet to use it for any FPS gameplay, but the elasticity of it feels spot-on. I also discovered that the analog slider acts as an optional replacement for the d-pad when playing "normal DS" games, and this made me very happy. Playing some of the slow-and-grindy RPGs that I hold so dear is way more comfortable, and for that I am very grateful. One thing I feel I should mention-- when the analog slider is fully extended in any direction, the "hole" in which it sits becomes exposed. This worries me, because as I carry this thing around, I fear that dirt and other crap will get inside that hole and fuck it up. I guess I'll need to be extra careful with it.


The d-pad included is brilliantly clicky and bouncy, and is one of the best nintendo has ever produced in those categories, but its size and positioning on the front of the console is an absolute joke. Woe was me when I finally got down on some Street Fighter 4 and found that the d-pad was very difficult to work with. When sitting down at my desk at work and playing (heh heh) with my arms rested on my desk, I found the positioning and size to be much less of an issue for me... but whilst standing, crouching, or sitting with my hands in my lap, using the d-pad isn't very comfortable, makes me feel like I'm going to drop my 3DS, and on top of all that, it is difficult to be effective with it while playing an action-packed game such as Street Fighter 4 or Tetris DS. To be clear, the positioning and size of the d-pad is a bummer unless you're chilling in a La-Z-Boy or sitting at a desk.


The card slot for 3DS game insertion is the best one yet. It's not too springy, and I've yet to have my game accidentally pop out on me when walking around, as has happened with my DSi more times than I can count.


The select/home/start buttons are irritating, to say the least. They're smooth and flat, and positioned as part of the screen, but they're not backlit-touchscreen buttons, like the ones on my Droid Incredible, they're... well, they're just... the worst kind of buttons imaginable. They're like little tiny nubs beneath one long piece of thin plastic, so in the dark, you can hardly tell what you're pushing at all. I would've preferred standard stick-out normal analog buttons to these any day of the week. They also moved the stylus to the back of the machine again, and it too has been inconvenient for me to access in the dark, although I appreciate the inclusion of the metal telescopic stylus, as opposed to the old tiny plastic ones.


Whose idea was it to again go with the 0.3 megapixel cameras? Can it possibly be that much cheaper in production than just going with 1 or 2 megapixel cameras at the very least? The cameras are just as bad as the DSi (which is to say that they're horrible), but for the price of the 3DS and the fact that it released in a year where my cell phone includes a stunning 8 megapixel camera... it is unacceptable. Taking 3D pictures is worthless anyway, so hopefully they'll add video support for it later, so that the cameras aren't completely useless.


For some reason, Nintendo saw fit to remove the DS' headphone jack, with the slot for advanced control through the headset, and replace it with a normal headphone jack. I have no idea why, but it bums me out that the official Nintendo DS headset I own is not compatible with the 3DS.


I'm pretty neutral on the "volume slider versus volume buttons" argument, but overall I prefer the buttons of the DSi. The slider provided on the 3DS is tight though, and offers precision control, so I really can't complain... and the same goes for the 3D-effect slider, too.


Wow... it's the same power jack as my DSi! This isn't actually a Nintendo first, but it kinda feels like it is, as they rarely use the same power jack for two pieces of hardware. Either way, I'm pretty happy about not having to buy extra power adapters and a new car adapter. I always like to have extra adapters around. Since I'm accustomed to always having my portable gaming handheld available for play, I never want to have to worry about the battery life... err... battery... battery life...


The battery is absolutely just as terrible as everyone has been saying, and from my personal experience, I find that I'm lucky to get more than 3.5 hours out of the battery before it craps out on me. How about that one? Good thing I keep a bunch of chargers around everywhere... but still... I can already see this issue potentially irritating me severely as time goes on. I assumed the pre-launch battery complaints were exaggerated; they weren't. I was almost worried I got a faulty battery until I started reading more about it online... wow.


Anyway, that's plenty enough about hardware.


The bundled software: WTFLOL
Aside from some of the features of the OS itself, the bundled software is all bad. AR games are worthless after playing one of them for about 10 minutes (and what am I going to do, carry around these cards with me everywhere I go? Nintendo eReader says hi!), Face Raiders is un-fun after about 10 minutes too, and even more crappy because of the 0.3mp camera's blurriness, and the Street Pass feature is useless in America. Even living in Silicon Valley, I rarely see anybody in public with any DS at all, let alone the 3DS. The music app... I mean really, this is another one of those things that is entertaining for all of 10 minutes, too. All in all, I am wishing I could just boot straight to a game without even seeing the crappy OS at all unless I deliberately back out of the game to get to it. Unfortunately, I can tell that this is not going to happen, because when I updated my OS this morning, an OK Go music video appeared on my desktop screen. WTF is that? I do not want that. I do not care about that and do not want it and am irritated by it. Clearly Nintendo sees OS updates as an opportunity to push content on me that I do not want, and I do not agree.


You can make Miis... and I've always loved Miis. I'm happy they included them with the 3DS. Miis are always entertaining, but one especially entertaining thing about the Mii software was the hearty gut-laugh I got when I chose to "create a Mii based on a picture of myself", and my Mii showed up looking absolutely nothing like me, and without any facial hair, either (I have a full beard and moustache).


On a very positive note, however, you can return to the OS screen when you're in the middle of a game, and there is a "notepad" type application which allows you to take notes on the game you're playing and save them. This is way overdue and is a very very cool feature. Supposedly, you'll be able to browse the web on your 3DS in the middle of playing a game (in the future), too, which brings me to my next segment...


The NOT bundled software: WTFLOLAGAIN
Cruising around the 3DS' OS, I have discovered that there is a button for DSiWare, and also a web browser! Awesome! Well, that would be awesome, but neither of those actually useful and desirable applications are included! Yes, that's right... Even though the menu options exist in the OS, clicking on them shockingly results in a system message which shamelessly states, "This feature will be available through a future software update"! Excuse me? Hilariously, it doesn't indicate when these features will become available, either.


Let's get to the point
Overall, I am impressed with the 3DS hardware. It is cool. All of the glaring flaws I mentioned however, make me upset because I thought I was buying Nintendo's new portable handheld, when in fact...


Did I say portable?
This is not a Nintendo portable. Sure, by label it is, but by definition, it is not. Quickly take a moment to remind yourself of the underlined phrases and text above, if you will, and then continue from here:




First, let's take a quick look at the 3 simple things I (and most people) expect from a "portable handheld console", and Nintendo's answers to them with the 3DS' design:

Demand #1
  • I want to be able to comfortably see the screen, see it clearly, and also have comfortable/intuitive access to the input mechanisms regardless of my environment or my body's orientation.


Nintendo's answers:
  • If you have a headache from the visuals or cannot see clearly, turn off the 3D (the biggest new feature). 
  • If you want to play with 3D, please be sure to hold the 3DS straight and 12 to 14 inches directly away from your face only.
  • If you want to play with 3D, make sure you are stationary, as the vibration of a car, bus, or trolley will make any consistence in viewing the 3D difficult.
  • Sorry, but refocusing your eyes from the 3D display to the 2D touchscreen display, and back and forth and vice versa is going to be disorienting, not just because of the 3D effect, but because of the difference in screen sizes.
  • We believe the analog slider is so much more important than a d-pad, that we will design and position the d-pad in a fashion that makes it ineffective unless you're reclined with armrests or sitting at a desk.
  • We don't consider "playing in the dark" to be important, so making the select/home/start buttons difficult to navigate with nothing but your fingertips is our choice.
  • We also have decided to put the stylus back where everyone hated it (which caused us to put it in a proper location for the DSi) and make it even more difficult to find with your fingertip while the screens are facing you.



Demand #2
  • I want to keep myself entertained for both short and long periods of time while out and about.


Nintendo's answers:
  • You can only view 3D for 30 minutes at a time, and then we recommend a 10 minute break. 
  • The battery we've included only allows for 3-4 hours of play time, possibly 5 if you turn all auxiliary features off, the screen brightness down, and play without sound.
  • We will not include any additional power options in the box, such as a spare/swappable battery pack, nor will we even include these as first-party options. We will also not even include a car charger or a USB charger in the box either.




Demand #3
  • I need to feel confident that my hardware was designed to be durable and resistant to nature.


Nintendo's answers:
  • We will make the casing of the device shiny and glossy again, despite using the more durable matte finish on the DSi.
  • We will include a big hole beneath the highly-sensitive analog slider, so you can risk ruining it permanently with every gust of wind you encounter.
  • We will not make any obvious improvements to our hinge design, despite all the problems our customers have had with them in the past.



I don't believe this machine should be considered a "portable handheld console", nor do I believe it should wear the "DS" name. The fact that it has two screens that are so completely different both in size and in functionality is ridiculous the more I think about it, and hardware/functionality-wise, this thing is "3 steps back" from where they left off with the DSi, in terms of providing a proper "portable handheld console" experience.

What's my mothafuckin' name?
There are just so many obvious and subtle/small reasons why the 3DS' identity crisis has crippled its design. I won't repeat everything, but think back to all of the underlined stuff I mentioned earlier.

In the end, I would've much preferred they make their 3D machine a single-screen handheld, named, designed, and marketed around delivering 3D content to you primarily while you are in the comfort of your own home. Here is what could've been, if it weren't for the shoehorned-in DS branding:


This is obviously my quick-n-dirty mockup, but the fact is; without branding as a "portable" device, and without hijacking the DS name for marketing purposes, we could've ended up with a far superior product that didn't suffer from a severe identity crisis:
  • One large, brilliant 3D display that spans the whole height of its casing
  • No off-sized non-3D second screen to confuse your eyes and mind, and inflate the price
  • A thicker case altogether, to make it easier to hold
  • "Playing-while-plugged-in" design fundamental in mind from inception through production
  • A proper d-pad and buttons
  • A delicate look and feel for an expensive and not-very-portable machine
Overall, ditching the DS branding and marketing this device as something to be enjoyed more like a laptop than a gameboy would've provided a much better end-product for the consumers it's targeting. 

In conclusion
I love my 3DS, and I just can't wait for more awesome new software to come out for it... and fortunately for me, I don't ride in the back seats of cars or ride the bus often, I don't get out much because I'm always working or at home... and many of the other "non-portable-nature" issues about the 3DS don't have a major impact on me. The battery life annoys me, but it's very rare that I'm without a charger for any of my devices for more than a few hours. All the flaws that make it non-portable are actually mostly non-issues for me personally. I also have a DSi for long trips, and an awesome Android to keep me entertained otherwise... and because I have 2 portable handheld devices that do their jobs properlyI wish my 3DS was designed with only 1 idea in mind... To deliver 3D content, and not to try and be something it isn't: a DS.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Zelda 4: Minecraft

Hey Guys,

Sorry myself and Tactics haven't been posting for anyone still paying attention. As it turns out, money and time are things that we seem to have less of these days. Thankfully, we have shiny new jobs that give us weekends off.

I wanted to make a post on something Tactics and I had a small discussion about, spurned from the rather depressing display by our Nintendo brothers that has, progressively, been getting worse.

While some might contend with me, 3DS seems to be coming to a slow in it's excitement. I wasn't very happy when I read the following.

There's more, of which Tactics will eventually articulate -- the short version of which is that we'd better see some great stuff at E3, or we're in for another Gamecube roller coaster.


That said, lets get to Zelda.

Zelda 4: Minecraft

If you haven't heard of Minecraft (and you have) do yourself a favor and pay homage to people who know more about games than Nintendo: Meet Minecraft

Let me give you some background to how this came about. I love zelda. A lot. Or did, anyway. An excerpt of our discussion:


Atlas: Do you know what's depressing? When I had an NES, you know the first game I played was Zelda. Well, I didn't have an SNES for a long time. The first time I saw, or even KNEW about it was at a party center. You'd go there, rent out a section of this warehouse for a few hours for a kid's party, and let them play around At this place, you could play SNES, Sega, etc. Well, I went up to a table that had SNES and saw that they had another zelda game. I was SO ecstatic. Legend of Zelda, A link to the past. This was my birthday party. And instead of playing with my friends, I played that game. The whole fucking time. When my parents got that for us for christmas....That's the game they got me. That's how excited I was for Zelda after that. I have never had that same feeling since. Z64 was fun, for sure. And I was excited for it...

Tactics: /nods

Atlas: But I haven;t been into zelda since

Atlas: And then I read REGGIE of all people, someone who I think has better sense than Iwata, and Miyamoto, and all those fucks

Tactics: /nods

Atlas: and he tells me that Zelda is this premiere title I want?

Tactics: he's got business sense though.

Tactics: he doesn't understand zelda.

Tactics: and neither does aonuma.

Atlas: No one does

Atlas: no one in nintendo understands zelda

Tactics: and miyamoto is just "beyond that career-wise"

Tactics: which sucks balls.

Atlas: And donkey kong, I haven't played

Atlas: there's only 2 wii titles (of the recent release) that I want

Atlas: Golden Eye and DK

Atlas: And both are apparently lack-luster to the Nintendo Fanboys

Atlas: which worries me

Atlas: Because those fanboys know what I like

Atlas: They really do

Atlas: EVen the small bits of epic mickey I played got a little...meh.

Atlas: You'll see when we play it.

Tactics: /sigh

Atlas: I just don't get it dude

Atlas: I just don't.

Atlas: The platform is fun

Atlas: And no outside dev team is making quality ass games

Atlas: so who do we turn to?

Atlas: Nintendo

Atlas: And they shit on me for it

Tactics: /sigh

Tactics: i know bro

Tactics: this is why i'm saying that e3 is literally their last chance

Tactics: or wii is dead.

Atlas: And so, I stay in computers. Because it's an open platform that I still have control over.

Atlas: I can reward companies and make an impact on PC, dude

Atlas: And PC, making it's comeback

Atlas: From farmville to fucking Minecraft

Atlas: Minecraft has more zelda in it than zelda does

Atlas: w

Atlas: t

Atlas: f

Tactics: YEP

Tactics: minecraft is zelda 4

Tactics: as far as i'm concerned


So, as coined by Tactics, Zelda 4 = Minecraft. And that's sad.


But beautiful at the same time. I love PC as an open platform. On a whim I crush and reward those who bring me joy in my relaxation time with video games. It's apart of the core, and the expanded audience -- you can customize it for what you play; although it is expensive.


Mario, Link, Donkey Kong, Samus, Kirby...these characters of Yesteryear have seen better days, and while they've aged and maintained career better than most Child Actors their usefulness should not be that of a constant resource.


I'm not excited for Zleda anymore. most of the time that I hear about a new Zelda, I forget about it in a day or two. There's no hype for me there. After beating Darksiders the other night, I've been more excited for Darksiders 2, and the prospect there, then a Zelda game -- and that's sad because Darksiders gameplay was as lackluster as it gets.

Why is minecraft better than almost every Nintendo title I've played for the last few years?


Re-playability

What Minecraft does best is allow the player to create. The world is an open canvas for a player to express themselves upon. but it's not just that simple. I used to play games three times over because each section of the game was WORTH my time in doing it again. Like a...egh....good book or movie (not to be compared to these mediums in any other way) I liked key aspects of these games that kept me playing.

You replayed Mario, or Zelda, not just because of challenge, but because of those levels you liked, or the remembrance of achievement, or to try something differently. In minecraft, your re-playability is only stifled by your own imagination. And sometimes, that imagination can be scary. I've built towering keeps, villages, port towns...I've dug deep within the earth, made secret chambers...


And at some points you feel truly alone -- a man left to his cruel devices for eternity in eden, with only animals and the undead to be as friends. And when even those forces are gone you are alone. And that is a truly terrifying experience. That can only be found in a game like minecraft. Emotional Re-playability is truly something interesting.


Exploration

I have been rewarded time and time again in games for exploration. My fondest memories were Final Fantasy1 and Zelda (the original), in which exploring the overworld yielded secret treasures, hidden caves, and so forth, to probe the imagination. It has been since that this feature of exploration continually becomes more and more of what the industry deems an 'unneeded' portion of their games -- this faux 'we know what players want' mentality that is more about cutting the old, wonderful features for some inane mini game or puzzle sequence.

More on point, the simplest feature is that minecraft is huge. The world you make is literally larger than the earth. Resources, although technically limited, are pretty much limitless for just one person. It's not just the expanse, however. Countless caves, mountains, valleys, and now new LAND TYPES are available -- you can find a desert, or stumble upon a hidden lake in a cave.

Not only that, but reward is given the lower you go. Material needed to create can be found deep within the earth -- materials needed for your constant building and protection.

Player-Driven

The easiest bit, is that players drive the modification of the game. You can modify how things look, etc. But these are just mods. When I say player driven, I mean both your personal story and your drive.

Players create their own story simply by giving yourself an objective. I want to build a mud hut. I'm dissatified with this hut. I will make it a castle! But I also want a garden...some secret passages...some minecrats.....

And it grows so quickly from there, where you begin building everything your mind can imagine for only the purpose of doing it to complete the task. This bleeds into DRIVE, you perpetually push yourself into creation. You never seem to stop until pure boredom sets in or until you actually have to do something in the real world because HOURS have passed.

Single player/Multiplayer

I can choose. That's a fundamental. The game, in it's gameplay, doesn't change if I'm in Multiplayer or Singleplayer, other than the emotional exploration (you don't really freak out when there are 2 other people around); What I can say is this: something that Zelda, I feel, can never do is Multiplayer.

This game executes that with a flawless precision that is, above all else, spectacular. It becomes a new game, with new objectives and ideas. Suddenly more than just a one-man-eden you watch as statues and buildings of other design erect around you as your friends build and blend design. The game never ends, truly, but the fun is still there, waiting for me.



Oh, and you can make swords and armor. Talk about nostalgia. I even re-skinned my character to be link as soon as I found an appropriate one.

Don't take this at face value -- "Zelda should be legos" mentality. The fundamentals of the game are there. The gameplay elements are there. What we've been missing in our yesteryear games...is there. And this dude has literally made something like a few million off of this game. You tell me that Nintendo couldn't use similar fundamentals and make a boatload more.


Take a page, Nintendo. It's the most I can hope for.

-Atlas out

Monday, August 9, 2010

A Reasonable Bump

Sorry for the lack of content guys. Life does catch up to us from time to time. What I can say though is that in the mean time, I have something for you to see.

I don't much go to the escapist anymore. When I do, it's for one reason.


While most people obsess over Yahtzee, his reviews (at least the videos) tend to be one-dimensional. Funny guy, though. However, what most people MISS is Movie Bob.

Bob knows movies. Like, Really knows them. He is what Journalists should strive to be. Yeah, a little biased sometimes (within reason), funny, insightful, and dissects the work based on the merits of it's industry and expectations. At the end, he tells you his opinion if you should see it or not. Some times he'll even give you alternative movies to watch for a better understanding or simply just a better telling of the story. All-in-all it's great.

But he's not who I'm trying to Bump. No, it's these guys.

While relatively new to Escapist, they're actually tearing down the veil of gaming, something few Journalists do. I look forward to seeing how they evolve on their new site, and hope you all check out their videos. So far, I've been impressed with the insightful work.


-Atlas Out

Thursday, July 29, 2010

The hype around the 3DS anti-piracy system, and why it WILL be cracked



I've been hearing a lot of rumors flying around about the 3DS copyright protection system. It seems that the most common belief right now is that each individual Nintendo 3DS game cart will have an encrypted "key" stored within which, upon its first insertion into a 3DS unit, will "pair" itself to the console. After that, using 3DS' cloud-like networking structure, it will constantly ping a Nintendo server to verify that the paired key-and-console are legitimate. Nobody has any idea what will happen if the server responds "mismatch", of course. How brutal will Nintendo be with this policy (if in fact this turns out to be true)?


Well it doesn't matter. I'm a pretty strong advocate for open-source, and even piracy in general doesn't bother me too much. Restrictive DRM, however, does bother me. Fortunately for Nintendo, I am at their whim: I will absolutely ignore the ridiculous DRM policies they put in to place for some beautiful 3DS goodness. Nevertheless, I get the feeling that I, and many many many many other people, will be buying 2 3DS' at some point.


I will want to play homebrew with my 3DS. I will want to download 3D movies which are not legally available for the 3DS. I will want to play ROMs of old games that I own on my 3DS. I will even admit that I will certainly want to pirate games on my 3DS.


I am tired of regretting my game purchases. Sick and fucking tired. I am tired of believing in a game, paying 60$ for it, and being left completely flat because the developers of the game were too far up their own conceited asses to give a gamer like me what I *thought* I was going to get from their game. In short, I'm tired of "taking the leap" for games that I end up hating, and ending up with nothing to show for it. What can I do with an opened, already-played game? Sell it to Gamestop for 20% of its original price? I'd rather keep it around as a reminder of what not to do next time.


Anyways, so Nintendo is supposedly developing this hyper-advanced cloud-network that is supposed to keep pirates out for good, and everybody seems to be freaking out over this. What a joke. There is absolutely *nothing* that is going to stop the 3DS from being hacked, cracked, flashed, and pwn3d... and I bet it won't even take more than a few months, absolute tops. Whatever method you'll need to apply to hack it initially? It very well could be as complicated as it was with the Original DS back in the day: Buying a PassMe from Hong Kong, removing the battery cover and using a pin to push down a secret button on the back to flash some custom firmware you downloaded from a shady underground internet forum, all at risk of bricking your DS if your finger slips for a spilt-second... but people will do it. Lots of them will.


Sure it's easy to be confident enough to say "x device will get cracked by hackers! :D" because we all know that the vast majority of electronic devices do sooner or later, but the fact of the matter is that the 3DS is going to be target #1 for hackers upon its release, and I wouldn't even be the slightest bit surprised to find out that hackers already have 3DS dev kits with which they're already testing cracks for it. The fact of the matter is: Whoever cracks the 3DS first has a very unique opportunity to capitalize on it. Whether they will personally or not is anyone's guess, but if they don't? Somebody else will.


In eye-widening, mouth-watering, cock-stiffening, wife-angering 3D, baby.


Oh yes, I went there. The 3DS will be cracked as quickly as humanly possible for one reason: big beautiful boobies. Well, I guess there are a few more reasons in that same vein of thought, but I'll just stop there.


*ahem*


So as I was saying, in a very professional and non-creepy way... >.> *ahemAHEM* 3D pornography. This is the next big entertainment phenomenon (3D is... not pornography-- that's really really old xD), and you can never count porno out. With each new entertainment medium comes the march of the naked and fearless-- Nickelodeons, movie theaters, television, the telephone, VHS, the internet, DVD, HD/BluRay... Every single one as far back as anyone alive can remember came with its share of porn.


Many say that VHS "won" over BetaMax because of porn, and I'm hard-pressed to argue with them. At that time, the only way to get decent porn was to go to a shady sex-store (which were hard to find), buy a magazine at a liquor store (which was "embarrasing"), or go to one of those creepy theaters where Pee Wee Herman whacks it to watch "Deep Throat". VHS came around and changed all that-- video rental stores had "private rooms" curtained-in (remember seeing those as a kid and knowing exactly what they were?), and anonymous mail-order tapes were also a huge huge hit. The point is, pornography can really drive an entertainment medium, especially when that entertainment medium offers some very unique values. Why didn't DVD and HD porn have quite the same impact as VHS porn did? Because they didn't offer much of a significant different in experience....


...but anyone who saw this in 3D inherently understands the advantages presented by the new 3D medium.


So how is this going to happen? Here are my theories:


Crazy topsy-turvy world where Nintendo goes "crazy"
There is a chance-- I know, I know, don't laugh: I'm actually being serious--That Nintendo will see the 3D porn "movement" as an opportunity to further expand into the blue ocean. Nintendo might (however unlikely this is, they just might) actually allow pornography to be available by some special and exclusive means on the "online market" or whatever means they are looking to use for distributing 3D video content. Hahaha... I knowwww... but porn on the 3DS is going to happen anyway. Nintendo might as well embrace it, protect it, and do a whole lot of damage control PR to preserve their family-friendly image.


Nintendo non-chalantly and innocently includes a flash-capable browser
...and the members-only websites start coming. This seems actually much more likely than Nintendo allowing full-scale distribution of porno movies through their online store... but I digress...


Membership-only internet forums
If Nintendo decides not to include either of the two previous options to beat the hackers and porn enthusiasts to the punch, I believe that before the 3DS is even cracked, hacked, and flashed that we're going to see internet forums popping up all around the intert00bz with a similar model: Pay an upfront or monthly fee, join our forums, trade friend codes with us, and we will send 3D pictures, taken with our DSs, of LIVE NAKED HARDCORE TEEN AMATEUR POV COLLEGE SEX ROMPS!!!


Movies shot with the 3DS camera
I believe that once the 3DS gets hacked, they'll figure out how to record video with that little 3D camera, and subsequently figure out how to send videos to each other, even if this must be done ad-hoc. It doesn't matter, people will still get them.


Movies on 3DS carts (or a cart-shaped adapter)
For the next stage, I believe that there will be porn on actual 3DS carts, or a cart-shaped adapter that connects to something else. These carts can be distributed illegally from, you know, wherever, just like the R4 and M3 Real pirate DS carts were, except they'll just have porn on them.


Hacked-up mobile browser
Its pretty likely that, given the graphical prowess and decent CPU/RAM horsepower on-board, that someone will simply create a hacked up mobile web-browser using webkit to create something like SkyFire recently made for mobile phones. Flash on the 3DS is entirely possible once you've rid yourself of that pesky DRM.


Cracked SD card slot
The holy grail of 3DS hacking, of course, will be cracking the SD card slot which will prove to be the most difficult task. This will take the longest, but will be the most sought-after hack for sure. The possibilities are endless when you've got your own media from your home network available to you.


Nintendo might not even know. They may have absolutely no idea how serious this really is. I mean, I know, it's Japan >.> They do tend to watch a lot of porn there, but still. If Nintendo thought they had it bad with DS and DSi hackers breathing down their necks at launch-time... They're going to have a whole new nightmare when the masses get started on the 3DS... The people have spoken, and they want to see fucking.

Monday, July 26, 2010

Hilarious.

The most popular Free-to-Play MMO in the world could possibly be a side-scrolling fighting game:



Apparently, it made some headlines:


BUT ATLAS. THIS IS A MICROTRANSACTION MODEL. WE HATE THESE GAMES BECAUSE THEY DO NOT FORCE US TO PAY A MONTHLY COUNTRY CLUB FEE.

I know it's hard for the elites out there to swallow. Trust me, I've been there. As it turns out, people actually like deciding when, where, and how to play their games.


The real trick now is going to be to entice your players to want to spend.


How strange that an insanely popular game in China is a side-scroller.





There was an error in this gadget