Objection! Unsuccessful troll is unsuccessful

Wedbush Morgan Securities Analyst Michael Pachter has finally been completely exposed.

If you pay much attention to the "news" in the video game industry, you'll most likely know who Michael Pachter is. He's the guy who is always making crazy nonsensical analyses, twisting words and fighting semantics, and seems to be attempting to distort game journalism by creating "distracting" "rumors" by interviewing with gaming sites/blogs, going on TV, and even hosting his own internet "show" called Pach-Attack. 

While we're reminiscing, here are my 5 favorite Michael "Manipulate the Market" Pachter moments:

5) Pachter predicts that Microsoft's Project Natal (now known as "Kinect") will release for $50 (Source, October 2009)

4) Pachter calls for Nintendo to unbundle Wii Sports from the retail Wii packaging and lower the price to $199 to increase sales, and actually says this right after christmas 2007 when Wii was still sold out everywhere. (Source, January 2008)

3) Pachter releases a huge report, predicting that PlayStation 3 will control 45 percent of the market, Microsoft will control 35 percent and Nintendo will control just 20 percent through 2010. (Source, May 2006)

2) Pachter proclaims the impending release of a "Wii HD" time after time over a span of 12 months (Nov '08-'09), and then instead of admitting that he was wrong for all that time, instead claims that "PlayStation Move is the Wii HD" (Source, March 2010)

1) Pachter calls the PSP Go a ripoff, but just days later rescinds his comment and formally apologizes to Sony for the "mistake". (Source, June 2009)

Pachter's not just wrong a lot. Pachter's not even just completely wrong a lot. Pachter is so hilariously wrong that anyone paying attention absolutely must question whether or not he has alterior motives. How can someone who is paid (and apparently pretty well) to analyze a market for a living be so consistently and so completely out of touch with reality?

I am so thankful this day, that "professional" "analyst" Michael Pachter has taken precious time out of his busy schedule to send Malstrom this email: It's amazing how a calculated and defensive response can sometimes backfire and be the ultimate admission of guilt.

Confirmed: The Bomb has been Dropped

I was shocked to figure out the truth: Nintendo is literally (and very deliberately) attempting to disrupt Sony's (and Microsoft's) HOME CONSOLES with a HANDHELD. It's unprecedented!

Ever since GDC2006 I've known that Nintendo's next move was 3d-- It just never occurred to me what they really had planned.

I read 2 interviews in the last couple days, one with Iwata and one with Reggie, where they both said quite clearly that Nintendo has been "looking at" and "planning to go" to 3d for over a decade. It's funny what, once they set their sights on destroying Sony*, they decided to do instead:

They waited, like a tiger stalking an unsuspecting bunnyrabbit, for Sony to rush into crappy and expensive 3d technology (shutter glasses. yuck.), and only then did they decide to pounce. They waited for Sony to do this with their home console, deliberately, so that they could use the 3ds to disrupt the same console a second time. Nintendo literally baited them into copying the motion controller and let them keep the illusion that 3d would be their "leg up" (and their savior hahaha), and then did this. I just cannot stop laughing about it: It's the final nail in the coffin! 

I sincerely believe that Sony will exit the video game market once the PS3 has run its course. With Nintendo making them look like fools time and time again, why would Sony's board of directors and shareholders allow them to sink another few hundred million into another console?

Sony did this to themselves. Check out this post about how Sony has set themselves up for Move to fail that I wrote back in August of last year. Sony's own executives and staff members have been trolling motion controls along with viral marketers for over 3 years (while, along with Microsoft, creating and perpetuating this anti-gamer "hardcore mentality"), but has now decided to release their own (backpedaling all the way), and they're just ripe to get annihilated this Christmas. The "hardcore" aren't interested in Move, the "casuals" aren't interested in Move, and this Christmas Nintendo has set up to make Sony's 3d push irrelevant with the superior 3d technology on the 3ds.

We don't know for sure that Nintendo is going to launch 3ds at Christmastime, but I think it's a pretty safe bet, as Nintendo has historically launched nearly every console and handheld they've ever made during the Christmas shopping season. Perhaps they believe that their old DS consoles still "have another Christmas in them", though, and will wait until Q1 2011? I could see this happening potentially, but I don't see the point: DS is in decline, and 3ds is poised to become the world's next must-have gadget.

A handheld disrupting the home console market, though... it's just too funny.

Note: If you do not understand what I mean about "set their sights on destroying Sony", it might be interesting for you to look at all the parallels this generation of consoles and handhelds. Malstrom is much better at making the comparison than i, but here are a couple examples that I can think of right off of the top of my head:

Nintendo always positions new hardware launches and press conferences right where they will damage Sony the most and "steal their thunder". They refused to announce a launch date for Wii back in 2006, until Sony announced the launch date for PS3. Shortly thereafter, they announced that the Wii would launch just a few days after PS3 did. Much more recently, Nintendo scheduled their pre-e3 press conference to end right before Sony's started-- They knew Sony would be touting 3d games, so what did they do? They showed off the 3DS at the end of the conference. People were still "high" from the experience as they walked through the doors to Sony's conference and ended up being thoroughly unimpressed by Sony's 3d showing. This is just 2 examples: Nintendo has been deliberately attacking "Sony's thunder" this entire generation, and it's very clear when you look closely.

My guess as to why the 3ds didn't get a price or launch date? I am pretty certain, actually, that they're simply waiting to see if Sony will make any announcements that they can "steal thunder" from. They have "no reason" to announce a launch date or price at this time, and they probably can't anyways since the 3ds is still in development.

Nintendo at E3: DID ANYONE GET THE LICENSE NUMBER OFF THAT TRUCK?

FEELS A BIT LIKE...

So I just gathered myself a bit after the Nintendo E3 press conference and... wow. I'm trying to balance this article out a bit with some bad things to say about it and having trouble. Here's what happened in a nutshell, and some of my thoughts and lingering questions:

- Zelda Wii shown with 1:1 swordplay and MotionPlus compatibility was shown. Will the first 6 hours of gameplay suck ass like they did in Twilight Princess? Are the controls wonky and crappy, or did Miyamoto just suck at the game? Is MotionPlus required and going to be bundled? What does "Coming Next Year" mean exactly?

- A new Donkey Kong Country was shown for Wii. Side-scrolling platformer. Looked amazing and brought back memories of the SNES original. (Who developed this? I assume it wasn't Rare xD)

- GoldenEye 007 remake. 'nuff said.

- New Kirby game, side-scroller. FINALLY.

- New Golden Sun for DS was shown. FINALLY.

- Epic Mickey was finally shown. Looks far more interesting than it did last time I heard about it. Loved the side-scrolling platformer levels. Will Disney finally make another great game like they did back in the 16-bit era?

- Mario Sports Mix was shown. Will each individual game be as fleshed out as the usual Mario Sports games? Let's hope so. Mario Hoops 3-on-3 for DS was really cool... I hope this basketball game can rival it. Does this title use MotionPlus?

- Wii Party was finally shown a bit. I hope its better than the semi-good Mario Party for Wii.

- 3DS WAS ANNOUNCED AND SHOWN. True 3d. No Glasses. Movie partnerships. A shit-ton of games. Here are just a FEW of the games announced as 3DS exclusives (they are all exclusive because they're in real 3d without glasses). You'd better put on your D-Pants:

Etrian Odyssey

Shin Megami Tensei

Resident Evil

Street Fighter

Kororinpa

Contra

Metal Gear Solid

Pro Evo Soccer

Professor Layton

Gundam

Dragon Ball Z

Super Robot Taisen

Animal Crossing

Kid Icarus

Super Mario Kart

Nintendogs + cats

Paper Mario

PilotWings

StarFox

Sonic the Hedgehog

Super Monkey Ball

Dragon Quest

Final Fantasy

Kingdom Hearts

Dynasty Warriors

Ninja Gaiden

Samurai Warriors

DeBlob

Saints Row

Assassin's Creed

Driver

Ghost Recon

Splinter Cell

Batman

Lego

Now is that a list, or what? To top it off, Nintendo actually paraded out over 100 hot chicks with 3DSs strapped to their waists to let everybody at the conference actually play one live. The reactions have been overwhelmingly positive so far. 

3DS has a sliding switch on the side to control the depth of the 3D effect, or to turn it off completely. It also has a large widescreen display (3d display) on the top part, and a normal-DSi-sized touchscreen panel on the bottom part. Same button layouts, except for the addition of an analog joystick which, according to initial impressions from around the internet, works better than the "nub" on the PSP.

I'll comment more later. For now, I think that covers all the biggies. That was just so good... I need to have a smoke.

Oh yeah, real quick the only bad stuff I could think of to TRY and balance this post out a bit: The 3DS was shown in a blue color that I didn't care for. I hope they launch with another color than that :P Uhm... No new 2D platforming Mario was shown for 3DS which was a bit disappointing. Not much else disappointing that I can think of really...

They stay crunchy, even in milk!

A lovely picture of some nintendo undies I found on Destructoid. Oh, what a beautiful sight to behold. My fiancee doesn't have a pair of these yet, why? I'll have to fix that.

(Note: This is a legacy re-post from my old blog, only a few old posts have been reposted)